


the worst sleepover ever

by orphan_account



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Gen, M/M, Other, This fic is a train wreck, but i'm having a lot of fun with it, everyone is probably ooc but oh well what can you do, this is a crack fic after all
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-07-24 11:59:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7507426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sasuke, Naruto, and Gaara are watching horror movies, playing FNAF, and eating far too much sugar in the middle of the night. Help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. eat the fucking pizza

_Sasuke's parents were out for the weekend, leaving him and his older brother, Itachi, home alone. Naruto invited himself over to spend the night while dragging a tired Gaara with him._

**5:34 p.m.**

"I'm hungry," Naruto mumbled to himself as he looked through his friend's movie collection. There were a few horrors he had set his eyes on, but ultimately decided to save them for later that night. Currently, he was debating between the _Jurassic Park_ series and _Pacific Rim_.

The blond looked over at his other friend who was scrolling through something on his phone, "Oi, giant monster aliens fighting giant robots or dinosaurs?"

"Dinosaurs," Gaara answered without looking up. Naruto grabbed the first of the three movies and made a mental note to beat Sasuke up because he didn't have _Jurassic World_. He put in the first movie and collapsed down the couch next to the redhead.

Naruto glanced over to see that his friend was scrolling through tumblr, and then pulled out his own phone to do the same. As the screen loaded he asked, "Where's asshole?"

"Over here, dumbass," Sasuke muttered as he entered the living room with two water bottles, "Any of you want a drink?"

Gaara said yes as Naruto shook his head no. The raven haired boy tossed a water bottle at Gaara who jumped in mild surprise when it landed in his lap. Sasuke moved over to the couch and sat down on the other side of Naruto, " _Jurassic Park_ , huh?"

"Yup!" the blond grinned as he hit play, stuffing his phone away. Gaara looked up from his phone in time to see the T-Rex roar before the screen briefly faded to black. It was then that Naruto punched Sasuke in the arm.

It didn't necessarily hurt, if anything it startled him, but Sasuke still gave a little yelp, "Ow! What was that for?"

"Because you don't have _Jurassic World_ and that's a crime against humanity," Naruto stated as he leaned back against the couch with his arms crossed over his chest. His darker haired friend punched him in the gut. The blond doubled over in pain and Gaara made sure to ignore them both in favor of the movie.

"Dick," Sasuke grumbled as he settled back in to watch the poor man on screen get dragged into the cage by the undoubtedly pissed off dinosaur.

Naruto straightened and glared daggers at his friend, "Whatever. By the way, I'm hungry. Can we order pizza or something?"

"There's food in the kitchen," the raven haired boy remarked, "So, no."

There was immediate whining, "Come on, Sasuke! I want pizza! Please?"

"No."

Naruto tried a few more times before giving up and pulling out his phone again. He was about to order the pizza himself when he got distracted by tumblr. Gaara looked over at his blond friend and was quick to snatch his phone out of his hands. Naruto was about to retort when Gaara put a finger to his lips and then pointed towards the TV.

The message was clear: "Shut up, stop playing on your phone, and watch the fucking movie."

They were at the part where they were feeding the velociraptors when a new voice spoke from somewhere in the living room, "I ordered pizza for you guys."

Naruto jumped at first, but then perked up, "Thanks, Itachi! You're the best! Unlike _someone_..." He made a point by shooting a glare at Sasuke who was currently scowling at his older brother. Gaara tore his gaze away from the movie to get a look at eldest Uchiha.

He was certainly Sasuke's older brother, with a similar face shape and dark hair and eyes. Though, Itachi's hair was much longer and held back in a low ponytail, and he didn't have hardly any of the childish chub that Sasuke still had. He was probably only in his early twenties and he already had hard lines on his face from stress, no doubt.

Itachi smiled, "No problem."

"Why did you order pizza when we literally have a fridge full of food?" Sasuke asked, clearly annoyed. Did he have something against pizza? Like, seriously, what the hell was his problem? That's what Naruto wanted to know.

"Because Naruto is in our house and I know he wants pizza every time he comes over here," the older brother pointed out. Naruto grinned sheepishly when his redheaded friend stared at him. Okay, so maybe he was the reason why Sasuke was so against pizza.

Sasuke groaned, "Whatever. How many did you order?"

"And what kind?" Gaara added.

"Three," Itachi answered, "One cheese, one pepperoni, and one sausage."

Gaara looked at his two companions in the eyes before declaring, "The entire cheese pizza is mine."

"Dude, what the fuck? No!" Naruto shouted. He grabbed the redhead by the arm and shook him around as if to further his protest. That did nothing to change Gaara's mind about taking the entirety of the cheese pizza. Irritated by the both of them, Sasuke punched Naruto in the gut and Gaara on the leg and told them to watch the movie.

Itachi's dark eyes flicked toward to TV screen before he moved over to the couch and sat himself in between Naruto and Sasuke. The latter made a face of pure and utter annoyance as he scooted away from his brother, " _Why?_ "

"Because I like this movie and I'm cold," Itachi explained as he settled in. Naruto flushed when the raven haired male leaned against him to steal his warmth. Gaara sighed heavily because he just wanted to watch the movie.

"Why don't you  go hang out with Shisui or your other weird friends?" Sasuke asked, referring to Itachi's obviously very weird college buddies that liked to come over occasionally and break shit.

Shisui was preferable to the rest, though Kisame was pretty chill. Deidara could go suck a dick, and there was no doubt in Sasuke's mind that he sucked Sasori's dick. Sasori's just a dick. Hidan should have never been allowed near their house, same with Kakuzu. Konan, Yahiko, and Nagato were okay. Zetsu was constantly high on something. And Tobi was just fucking annoying.

Itachi just rolled his eyes in response and proceeded to ignore his little brother. Naruto shifted a little by crossing his legs and the older Uchiha made himself more comfortable. The blond was really warm.

Fifteen or twenty minutes later, someone knocked on the door. Itachi got up to answer it as Naruto excused himself to use the bathroom. The pizza had been delivered and Gaara helped the raven haired male carry it into the kitchen. Sasuke was the only one on the couch watching the movie now.

The redhead returned to the living room and little bit later with two slices of cheese pizza on a paper plate. When he sat back down on the couch Sasuke asked, "Where's Itachi?"

"He took a slice of pepperoni pizza and then went upstairs," Gaara answered before taking a bite of his own pizza.

"Hiding in his room again," Sasuke muttered to himself.

It was a while before Naruto came back to sit down on the couch with two slices of pepperoni and one slice of sausage. The three of them continued watching _Jurassic Park_ until Sasuke looked at his blond friend and asked a question that had been on his mind for a little while, "Hey dumbass, do you have a crush on my older brother?"

Naruto choked on his pizza, "What th- _cough_ \- the fuck? What did you say?"

His darker haired friend sighed heavily, "I asked if you have a crush on my older brother. Do you?"

Gaara got up to get more pizza and also to just get away from the two idiots he was forced to call his friends. Naruto aggressively shook his head, "No! I do not have a crush on Itachi!"

"Don't lie to me."

"Here, eat some pizza!" the blond offered his friend one of his slices of pizza.

The raven haired boy narrowed his eyes, "Don't change the subject. You do realize that he is five years older than you, right? He is in _college_. You may be a senior, but you are still in _high school_.”

"I give zero shits," Naruto said, closing his eyes and taking a bite of his pizza. Sasuke had half a mind to slap the slice of diabetes onto the floor. But then he would have to clean it up and he didn't feel like doing that.

"Naruto-"

"Eat the fucking pizza!" the blond shoved the pizza in Sasuke's face. Gaara returned to absolute chaos of pizza on the floor and Sasuke trying to strangle Naruto. Sighing heavily, he sat down on the couch, turned up the volume on the TV, and continued watching the movie.


	2. netflix and say what now?

_ Naruto was free from his friend's wrath after he practically shouted that he was gay for Sasuke's older brother. Whether or not Itachi heard that, no one knows. Gaara is tired and Sasuke hates life. _

**7:42 p.m.**

"That was a pretty good movie," Gaara commented once the credits started rolling. He got up from the couch and stretched, as did everyone else.

Naruto stared at the redhead, "You've never seen  _ Jurassic Park _ before?"

"Nope. I don't watch very many movies," he mused, more so to himself than anything. He wasn't much of a movie person. Most of the movies he's seen are because Naruto sits him down makes him marathon various movies. Temari preferred books, and Kankuro usually scammed movies off the internet and watched them alone. Asshole.

"Damn," the blond remarked, "We'll have to watch the rest of the series at my house or something, because right now I'm in the mood for some good ol' scary movies."

"We're not watching  _ Insidious _ ,  _ Paranormal Activity _ , or  _ Saw _ ," Sasuke said before cracking his neck. Naruto started to complain but his friend continued, "There's a scary movie on Netflix that I know not even  _ you _ , Naruto, have seen yet."

The blond raised his eyebrows, "Oh really?"

"Ever heard of  _ Last Shift _ ?"

Naruto put a hand to his chin and thought a moment before shaking his head, "Nope, can't say I have."

"I think Kankuro watched it and it scared the shit out of him," Gaara offered, "He said something about it, and Temari and I heard him shriek a few times."

"Nice!" the blond grinned.

Sasuke started to take the disc out so he could change it over to Netflix. When he put the case up, Gaara excused himself in order to use the bathroom and Naruto said he was going to upstairs to talk to Itachi.

"Why?" the raven haired boy narrowed his eyes, wondering if it was just some of sham so he could make out with his older brother. The thought almost made him gag. He did not need to see, let alone imagine, his best friend and older brother making out. Ugh, he needed bleach to cleanse his poor mind.

"To see if he overheard our earlier  _ discussion _ ," Naruto grumbled, referring to when Sasuke pinned him down on the floor and made him confess his feelings. Not cool.

"Oh," was all Sasuke said. Then he grimaced, "Just don't make out, please."

Naruto groaned and left to go upstairs, leaving Sasuke all alone in the living room. He sighed heavily and went back to the couch and turned on Netflix and made a search for the movie. After a quick search through his recently watched, he found  _ Last Shift _ and shivered at the terrifying picture. This would definitely give his blond friend nightmares, maybe even give Gaara some too.

The redhead returned to the living room and sat down on the couch. When he did, however, there was a loud clunk from the couch. Sasuke looked at him, "Did you just break our sofa?"

Gaara started digging around between the cushions, "No. I think Naruto's phone is stuck inside the couch."

"Oh my fucking god."

When Naruto came back down stairs and entered the living room, all of the cushions to Sasuke's sofa were on the floor and his two friends were searching through the equivalent of a black abyss. 

"It's not in here," the raven haired boy stated.

Gaara pointed at something, "There's a hole here on this side, maybe it fell down to the floor."

"What the hell are you two doing?" Naruto asked, eyebrows knitted together in confusion. 

Sasuke jabbed a thumb at the redhead, "Gaara over here lost your phone in the couch." Said male rolled his eyes and started to lift up the empty sofa. Naruto was fuming.

"Dude, give me back my phone! You took it when we were watching  _ Jurassic Park _ !"

It wasn't too long before Naruto's precious phone was back in his hands and the couch was put back together and three of them were ready to watch the scary movie. Sasuke even turned off the lights to add some effect.

"So is this like Netflix and chill?" Gaara suddenly questioned before the movie began. His two companions shuddered in disgust.

"Ew, no!" they exclaimed in unison.

The redhead blinked, "What?"

"You do realize-" Sasuke started.

"-that that's innuendo for sex, right?" Naruto finished.

Gaara made a face, "Oh. Gross."

The blond looked dumbfounded, "How do you have a tumblr and  _ not _ know that?!"

"He runs an aesthetic blog, not a porn blog," his darker haired friend pointed out. Naruto proceeded to explain that he did not run a porn blog, just that the people he followed could be very crude at times. No one believed him.

"By the way," Sasuke began, glancing over at his blond buddy, "Did Itachi hear you scream that you were gay for him or not?"

Naruto groaned and hid his red face behind his hands, "He heard me."

"And?" the raven haired boy prompted.

"I don't even know!" Naruto cried, "He is the most unreadable person I have ever encountered! Like, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do!"

"Kiss kiss, fall in love," Gaara muttered before taking a drink from the water bottle Sasuke had thrown at him earlier. Said male shivered in disgust.

" _ No _ ."

"That might work," the blond mused.

"Watch the movie!"

"Oh! Sasuke," Naruto started, "Are you dating Sakura or Karin? Because I've seen you with both of them and so I'm a little confused."

"I am dating both of them," Sasuke replied, relieved that the topic changed. He could stop throwing up in his mouth.

"So you're cheating on them?!" the blond accused, shocked painted all over his face. He knew his friend was an asshole, but not a cheating asshole!

"No," the darker haired boy sighed before elaborating, "We're all dating each other. The feelings between all three of us are mutual, thank you very much."

Gaara glanced over at him, "So you're in a polyamorous relationship then?"

Sasuke nodded his head which answered the redhead's question. The blond one, however, had one more question that needed to be answered, "Have you guys had a threesome yet?"

"I am going to punch you in the mouth, Naruto."

**9:05 p.m.**

"That was fucking messed up!" Naruto shouted, pointing at the TV screen as the credits started rolling. He looked over at Sasuke who currently smirking at him, "That was a fucking messed up movie! What in the actual fuck? No! I can't even right now!"

He stood up from the couch and started pacing back and forth, "That was some fucking messed up shit, man! Holy fucking shit!  _ Why? _ I'm gonna have nightmares!"

"Exactly!" Sasuke yelled, standing up as well, "That movie gave me nightmares after I watched it the first time. What did you think, Gaara?"

The redhead looked up, "I liked it. It was scary and I got chills. It was awesome and I liked it."

"I mean," Naruto paused to try and collect himself, "I liked it too, I really did. But just...  _ Holy fucking shit! _ "

"I know!" Sasuke exclaimed.

"What's with all the yelling?" a new voice suddenly questioned. Everyone turned to see Itachi flip on the lights of the living room. Naruto might as well have hissed like a vampire being exposed to the sun.

"Do you remember  _ Last Shift _ ?" the younger brother inquired.

Itachi's eyes widened, "Oh my god, yes! That movie was so messed up!"

The four of them went off on a tangent about the movie, all them shouting at each other about how good and terrifying it was. Sasuke and Itachi explained how it was Shisui that introduced them to the movie in the first place. The older brother then went on and mentioned how he showed it to rest of his college buddies and how each them reacted.

In short, Tobi didn't even make it through the whole movie before he left saying it was too scary. Hidan and Deidara yelled at the jump scares. Kakuzu actually didn't particularly care for it and Sasori just said it was okay. Everyone else said they really enjoyed it, including Hidan and Deidara.

"Oh!" Itachi started, "I know another movie you guys would like."

He grabbed the remote and pulled something up called  _ Circle _ . Naruto tilted his head, " _ Circle _ ?"

"Looks interesting," Gaara commented.

All four them squished together on the couch, with Itachi curling up against Naruto again in order to steal his warmth. The blond tried to focus only on the movie and not on the man who was pretty much  _ cuddling _ him.

_ What are we? _


	3. stop swapping spit

_ The four dorks watched the movie without too many issues. Naruto continued to question what he and Itachi were. Sasuke eyed them suspiciously. Gaara fell asleep. _

**10:33 p.m.**

_ Circle _ ended and Naruto stared at the TV screen with his mouth hanging wide open. Sasuke held the same expression. Itachi looked at the blond and then his little brother, "So?"

"That was fucked up," Naruto leaned back against the couch with his arms crossed over his chest. His friend was quick to agree. All three of them glanced over at Gaara to hear what he had to say but he was fast asleep.

The blond smacked his friend's leg which woke him up immediately, "What? What happened? What did I miss?"

"You fell asleep and missed the entire movie," Sasuke explained, frowning at the redhead.

"Not true," Gaara argued before trying to stifle a yawn, "I heard arguing and saw some of the characters die."

Naruto and the Uchiha brothers rolled their eyes. Then Itachi got up from the couch and stretched and started to exit the living room. The blond got to his feet and chased after him, "Now wait just a second you motherfucker!"

There were a few more insults and then the only thing that could be heard was quiet murmuring from the kitchen. Sasuke turned his head toward Gaara and was met with tired green eyes. The redhead looked like he was ready to fall back asleep any minute.

Sasuke sighed heavily and leaned back against the couch. Gaara shifted to where his full body was on the sofa and kicked the raven haired boy in the side. Said male glared daggers at him, "What?"

"I thought you should know that it got real quiet in the kitchen," the redhead mentioned. Sasuke was off the couch and out of the living room in a flash. Gaara chuckled to himself and stretched out on the sofa and dozed off again.

It wasn't that Sasuke  _ wanted _ to catch them making out, he just wanted to know what exactly was happening between his best friend and his older brother. Ah, it was so complicated he didn't even know anymore. Maybe it was some brotherly instinct or some shit.

Sliding up against the wall and getting ready to take a peek in the kitchen, Sasuke prayed to everything that was good and holy that he would not see what he was expecting to see.

He didn't pray hard enough.

" _ What the fuck!? _ " Sasuke practically screeched as he revealed himself from behind the wall. Itachi and Naruto split apart and were away from each other as if they hadn't just been making out. The blond stared at his friend with wide blue eyes, his face as red as a tomato.

Naruto tried to force a laugh which didn't sound right at all. He rubbed the back of his head, "Hey, Sasuke. What's up?"

When his younger brother's attention was fully on the blond, Itachi made his escape. In a mad dash, he managed to get past Sasuke and soon he could be heard racing up the stairs. Sasuke growled and pointed a finger at his friend, "I'll deal with you later!"

Sasuke ran after his older brother, shouting, "What the hell, Itachi? I thought you were a mature adult! What is wrong with you?"

"I'm sorry!" Itachi cried from somewhere upstairs.

Naruto listened for a moment as the two brothers screamed at each other. Most of it was Sasuke yelling insults and Itachi shouting apologies. At some point, there weren't even words anymore and then it sounded like a door was slammed shut. The blond breathed out a heavy sigh and left the kitchen and returned to the living room. There, he saw Gaara asleep on the couch. So Naruto, being the best friend that he was, sat on him.

"Oh god..." the redhead groaned, immediately awake, "Naruto, why?"

Said male shrugged, "Because I can. Also, I wanted to tell you that 'kiss kiss, fall in love' worked."

"You did not."

"I fucking did and it was awesome."

"Oh really?" Gaara asked right before he managed to shove the blond off of him and onto the floor. Naruto landed on his ass with a grunt of displeasure as his friend sat up straight on the couch. He looked over his shoulder and glared daggers at the redhead.

"That was rude," Naruto remarked, "Why'd you do that?"

The redhead shrugged and repeated his friend's earlier words, "Because I can. Has Sasuke beat you up yet for kissing his older brother?"

Naruto shook his head and turned to where he was facing the redhead, "Not yet, but I'm sure he will once he comes back down stairs. I just don't understand  _ why _ , though. Like, what the hell is his problem?"

"Well," Gaara began, "Let me start with something similar that's been happening between me and my older sister, Temari, and her boyfriend, Shikamaru.

"Basically, what it is for me, is just knowing what happens between them even though I haven't really seen anything. Like... I see them together, my older sister--someone I am  _ related _ to--and her boyfriend and I  _ know _ what happens. I know they kiss because I've seen them kiss. I've seen them sucking each others' faces off, which is super gross, so I know they do that. It's just the fact that I  _ know _ .

"And that's more than likely what Sasuke is thinking, too. Not to mention the fact, you are his  _ best friend _ . So that probably makes it a lot worse, knowing that  _ you _ and his  _ older brother _ literally just swapped spit."

The blond had been listening intently, so when Gaara ended on that note, Naruto frowned, "When you say it like that, yeah that's pretty gross. But I guess I do understand a little better now. Just don't say we swapped spit ever again. That totally ruins--"

"You and Itachi swapped spit," the redhead interrupted, "Simple as that."

Naruto narrowed his eyes, "Stop. You're making it sound way more gross than it actually was. In fact, it was actually--"

"Gross. Don't tell me the details of how you swapped spit with Sasuke's older brother."

"You can be such an ass sometimes, Gaara."

"If you're going to swap spit with my brother, then please do it somewhere I will never,  _ ever _ find you," a familiar voice pleaded. The two friends looked over to see not only Sasuke, but Itachi as well. Gaara about lost his shit laughing as Naruto's face turned an almost instant red.

"Why does everyone keep saying swapping spit? It's sounds so disgusting," the blond grumbled. His unfortunate crush, or possible boyfriend, had the audacity to laugh. What were they anyway? That's what Naruto wanted to know.

Sasuke rolled his eyes, "Because that's literally what making out is. Trust me, I should know."

Gaara gagged.

"Why are you so disgusted by everything ever?" Naruto asked, looking back as his redheaded friend.

"Because everything ever is disgusting," he answered, "So are you and Itachi together or what?"

Naruto fumbled for words because he honestly didn't know. He was pretty sure that someone was supposed to ask the other one out. And while they did full on make out, that didn't necessarily mean anything. People did that all the time. So he looked over at the older Uchiha, who just shrugged.

The blond glared, "Are you fucking with me?"

" _ You _ kissed  _ me _ , so--"

"Fine! Will you go out with me?" Naruto finally popped the question and he had no idea what answer he was going to get. He wasn't even really sure what answer he wanted. Yes, no, maybe so? He had no idea. Actually, maybe he did want to hear the word ‘yes’.

Itachi offered a small smile that may or may not have melted the blond’s heart (like he would admit to anything like that). But the older Uchiha’s answer certainly made his heart skip a beat, "Yeah, sure."

Sasuke might as well have shrieked, " _ What?! _ "


	4. late night store adventure

_ Itachi and Naruto are officially dating and Sasuke has already started acting like a disapproving parent. Gaara understood his pain, but he didn't hesitate to tell him to chill the fuck out. _

**10:59 p.m.**

"You're  _ way _ worse than my mom and dad," Naruto remarked as he jabbed a finger at Sasuke, "Like, you're just fucking ridiculous. I'm pretty sure my mom and dad would be perfectly fine with me dating Itachi. Maybe, you know, the 'I think he's a little too old for you' sort of deal, but that's about it."

Sasuke stared at the blond, "Because he  _ is _ too old for you!"

"Okay, but I'm not even that old; I'm only 23."

"I am 18 years old, thank you very much."

Ignoring the  _ couple  _ (gross), the younger Uchiha continued, "Plus, it's just weird. It's  _ you _ , my best friend, and  _ you _ , my older brother. Dating. Kissing. And god knows what else."

"We literally just kissed," Naruto frowned in annoyance, "Calm your tits, asshole."

Gaara actually snickered at that, but was quick to cover it up with a cough when Sasuke shot a death glare at him. Itachi groaned and started to leave and maybe get some sleep as Naruto pulled out his phone to rant about the situation on tumblr when he noticed the time.

"Guys, wait!" Naruto exclaimed. Everyone actually stopped what they were doing and stared at the blond. A few more seconds of absolute silence went by before Naruto spoke again, "It is now 11 o'clock, so let's go to the store to get some snacks."

Sasuke made a face, "Why do that when there is a wonderful kitchen in this house with a working fridge that is full of food?"

"Because you guys, like, never have any sugary food," the blond explained, "And that never made sense to me. How can you--"

"Because Itachi eats all the sugary food in one day and then spends all night over the toilet throwing up because of it!" Sasuke interrupted as he pointed a finger at his older brother. Itachi crossed his arms and turned his head away from everyone as they glanced over at him.

"I have a sweet tooth," was all the eldest Uchiha said.

Naruto looked back a his dark haired friend and grinned, "All the more reason to go the store and get some snacks. Come on, Sasuke, you know you wanna." He eyed his redheaded friend, "What about you?"

Gaara admitted to wanting to go out, mainly just to be out of the house for a little bit (as nice as it was), so Naruto asked his new boyfriend if he would drive them to the store. Itachi declined and sided with his young brother on staying home, more so because he wanted to go to sleep. It took him forever to fall asleep, and so the longer he stayed awake the less sleep he got. It was a pain in the ass, really.

"Besides, you can drive yourselves," the raven haired male argued.

"Please?" Naruto pleaded as he clasped his hands together. Itachi shook his head, and that's when a light bulb went off in the blond's head, "If you drive us to the store, I will buy you all the sugary sweets you want. Consider it a gift since we are now in a relationship."

Sasuke looked appalled at his friend's bribery. The blond had no idea what he was getting himself into; his older brother could empty anyone's wallet when it came to sweets. Itachi considered the idea before asking, "And how much money do you even have?"

"With me? $40."

"Naruto, stop."

"Deal," Itachi said, "Go get in the car. Sasuke, you're coming with us."

Naruto fist pumped as Sasuke face palmed. The younger Uchiha groaned before glaring at his best friend. If looks could kill, the blond would be dead one hundred times over. He muttered, "You're such a fucking idiot. I hope you realize that all of your money will be gone before it's even midnight."

"If I could bribe Hinata with cinnamon rolls in exchange for her driving me somewhere, I can bribe Itachi with candy in exchange for him driving me somewhere. Yeah I lose money, but in the end everyone's happy and that's all that matters."

Sasuke narrowed his eyes as everyone exited the Uchiha household and his older brother locked the front door, "And that reminds me, why the fuck did you break up with Hinata?"

The blond sped up his pace and reached Itachi's car and got in the passenger's seat before anyone else was even close to the car. But it wasn't too long before the other three got inside, with his boyfriend in the driver's seat and his two friends in the back.

"Alright!" Naruto grinned once they got out onto the road, "To Wal-Mart!"

Itachi glanced over at him and chuckled, "Naruto, if you have $40 and you're buying me sweets, we are not going to Wal-Mart. We're going to the dollar store."

"Are you planning on throwing up all night?" Sasuke asked, his tone of voice flat. Then, smiling ever so slightly, he continued, "Because my friends are spending the night and that--"

"My dearest little brother," Itachi started, glancing up at the rear-view mirror with a threatening glare fixed right on Sasuke, "If you wish to arrive home with us and not be left at an empty parking lot, then I suggest you do not finish that sentence."

The tiny little smirk was gone and replaced with a frown. Sasuke huffed and crossed his arms and actually pouted. Gaara stared at his companion with a twinge of amusement behind his green eyes, "Has that happened before or something?"

"We're not talking about it," the younger Uchiha grumbled before leaning forward and smacking Naruto on the arm. The blond twisted his body around and scowled at his dark haired friend.

"What?"

"You never answered my question. Why did you break up with Hinata?"

Naruto sighed heavily and turned back around in his seat before explaining, "Okay, so, here's the thing. Despite the fact that everything was going fairly well, and she was super nice and all of that, I didn't feel like we were really working out as romantic partners. And, who knows, maybe I'm actually gay and that's why.

"But, like, I actually sent her a fucking break up text because I couldn't bring myself to do it front of her face. I was afraid one or both of us would start crying, so I sent her a super long text message that explained that I wanted to break up with her but I still wanted to be friends with her because I enjoyed her company. And, like, it was just so long and after I sent it I turned off my phone and cried all night. I felt so bad.

"The next morning, I turned on my phone and she had replied telling me that it was fine. Except she wasn't at school that day and for almost two weeks I think everybody hated me. I felt like a terrible person because she was so nice and I was a giant douche for sending her a break up text."

The blond finished, almost out of breath because he rushed through his explanation at lightning speed. Sasuke and Gaara blinked simultaneously, not quite sure if they heard everything correctly. Though, they were pretty sure they got most of it, in which case...

"Damn," the younger Uchiha remarked.

The redhead continued, "That's rough, buddy."

Itachi snickered quietly to himself as Naruto groaned in minor annoyance. He was pretty sure most of Gaara's references came from tumblr. Damn that website. But where else was the blond gonna vent and rant endlessly about his first world problems? Facebook? Hell no.

**11:22 p.m.**

"I think it's closed," Naruto commented as they pulled into the parking lot of the dollar store. There wasn't another car in sight and all the lights were turned off. Plus, you know, the sign in the window that read:  _ CLOSED _ .

"Wow, Naruto, do you really think so?" Sasuke asked sarcastically. Gaara tried not to laugh as the blond shot his friend a death glare.

Itachi growled and pulled out of the parking lot and continued driving, this time to Wal-Mart. Honestly, he just didn't want to go to that store. People tend to get a little weird (and stupid) late at night. Time to pray to all things good and holy.

**11:35 p.m.**

It didn't look like there were too many people at Wal-Mart when they pulled into a parking space. The four of them got out of the car and started toward the store. Naruto glanced briefly at Sasuke to see that he was talking to Gaara about something before he grabbed his boyfriend's hand and laced their fingers together.

Itachi stared at the blond for a moment until Naruto finally looked at him. He made a face, "What? Isn't this what couples are supposed to do?"

The older Uchiha chuckled, "Well, yes, but I noticed you looked over at my little brother first."

"That's because your little brother is an asshole, so I thought I would hold your hand while he was distracted so that way he doesn't get extra pissy with me," Naruto explained. Itachi gave him a weird look.

"I'm not sure how well I follow that logic, but okay," the raven haired male said. Then he laughed a little, "Are you sure you're not just afraid of him?"

"Pffft!" Naruto waved his free hand like he was batting away a fly, "Me afraid of Sasuke?  _ Ha! _ I could kick his ass any day!"

"Only in your dreams, dumbass," Sasuke scoffed.  

Gaara put a thoughtful finger to his chin, "I don't know. Naruto plays more sports than you and therefore has to work out more. I personally think he could take you down."

Sasuke frowned, "Such little faith... Itachi, who would win, me or Naruto?"

They were all inside the store now as the eldest Uchiha thought carefully about his answer. It wasn't very fair to have to decide the victor between his little brother and new boyfriend. The most likely answer would be neither because they would end up knocking each other out at some point. Which is exactly what he said.

Naturally, neither one liked that answer and insisted he choose the probable winner. He did a quick game of  _ eeny, meeny, miny, moe _ in his head before he responded with, "Naruto would win."

"Ha!"

"Fuck!" the younger Uchiha shouted. Realizing how loud he was, he lowered his voice and continued, "Damn it, Itachi, stop playing favorites."

Said male gave an exasperated sigh and dragged the blond off to find the candy aisle. Naruto gave his friends a quick 'farewell for now' wave. Sasuke and Gaara waved back before going off to find the snack aisle.

They got there just in time to hear a little kid start screaming their head off because their mom wouldn't let them have popcorn. The mother ran a hand through her hair before exiting the aisle and trying to calm the crying child. The two boys looked at each other and shook their heads.

"I'm never having children," Gaara remarked as he turned his attention to the large variety of chips and their flavors.

"Never say never," Sasuke joked. The redhead snickered.

"Never."

Browsing through the aisle, picking out a few things to buy here and there, the raven haired boy finally asked, "So, Gaara, are you in a romantic relationship of any kind yet or...?"

"Still single," Gaara replied, "And unless someone asks me out (because I can't bring myself to ask people out), I don't think I'll be dating anyone any time soon."

Sasuke considered this before asking another question, "Who would you date if they asked you out then?"

The redhead hummed for a moment, "There are three people that come to mind. One of them is Lee--"

"Rock Lee?"

"Yes."

"You would date Rock Lee? Why?"

"Because he's actually very nice. And he can bench press me," Gaara stated. Sasuke stared at him with a look of disbelief. Then again, Lee was constantly working out so it shouldn't be that surprising. It shouldn't even be surprising; he's seen him bench press Neji and Tenten both.

"Okay, go on."

"I would date Naruto."

"Understandable," the raven haired boy remarked. He could easily see them together, and he didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. "That's two, who's the last one?"

Gaara looked uncertain about saying the last name. Sasuke was about to peer pressure him into confessing (like he did with Naruto earlier that day) when the redhead finally spoke, "I would also date you."

There was a moment of awkward silence between the two boys before Sasuke said something, "Oh... Well... Thanks. I guess I should say I'm flattered?"

Gaara said nothing. Instead, he resorted to regretting ninety percent of his life's choices and wishing he could just crawl into a hole and die. The one time he engaged in a conversation he managed to fuck it all up. It would figure.

"I mean, uh," Sasuke mumbled, "I could probably, like, have you join Sakura, Karin, and I in our relationship... I have feeling that Sai and Ino are joining too... But, uh, yeah."

"I really only know Sakura," the redhead started, but then stopped and actually looked at Sasuke. His face was red from embarrassment and he just looked all kinds of awkward. Gaara narrowed his eyes, "Did you just ask me out?"

"Uh."


	5. five nights at fuck off

_ Sasuke and Gaara are awkward potatoes and don't know what to do anymore. At the moment they're just sort of standing in the snack aisle. Itachi and Naruto, however, are being major dorks in the candy aisle. _

**11:40 p.m.**

"I should have gotten a cart," the blond mumbled to himself as his boyfriend put a large bag of lollipops in his arms that were already overflowing with candy. Itachi laughed a little as he continued to browse through the candy aisle. Another large bag of chocolates would be nice.

"Would you like me to go get a cart for you?" the raven haired male offered.

Naruto shook his head, "Nah, I got it. But you really do like sweets... How do you still have any teeth left?"

Grabbing a pack of jellybeans, Itachi answered, "There's this really cool thing called brushing my teeth, Naruto. You should try it sometime."

"Ha, ha, ha," Naruto laughed dryly, "Very funny. I brush my teeth too, you know."

The eldest Uchiha smiled, "I do, however, have multiple silver crowns from when I was younger. Most of my molars are covered, actually."

"Really?" Naruto asked, actually surprised. The blond tried to picture it a younger Itachi with cavities and having to go the dentist to get his teeth crowned due to his apparent candy addiction. He honestly couldn't picture it. 

Itachi moved over closer to his boyfriend and opened his mouth so he could see that he wasn't lying. True to his word, most of his molars were covered with silver, top and bottom. It was still strange to think of the eldest Uchiha with cavities, candy addiction or not.

After Naruto made another comment of surprise, Itachi turned his attention back to gathering more sweets. Just as he was about to grab a pack of gummy worms, the blond spoke, "Now I know why you're such a sweety."

"Are you trying to flirt with me?" Itachi asked, glancing over at his boyfriend with amusement painted all over his face, "Because that sounded really cheesy and lame."

Naruto flushed, "I'm not fluent in romantic speak, okay!"

The raven haired male laughed and tossed the small bag of gummy worms at him. It would have been fine had Naruto just stayed still, but instead he tried to catch it. And in doing so, he caused all the candy in his arms to fall to the floor. In the end, he didn't even catch the gummy worms. Itachi just stood there and shook his head.

Naruto growled in frustration and bent down to pick up his mess. Luckily, his boyfriend was nice and started to help him out. They actually put some of the packages of candy back and were left with two large backs of lollipops and chocolates.

Itachi frowned, "It's not enough."

"Say what now?"

"I want more candy," the eldest Uchiha elaborated, looking at his boyfriend in the eyes. It was an intense look, meaning he was serious. But Naruto could see the lightheartedness in his dark eyes (and goddamn were those eyes pretty).

The blond stared right back, his own blue eyes narrowed as he tried to feign seriousness, "No."

"Excuse me," Itachi started, "But were you not the one who said you would buy me all the sweets I wanted if I drove you out here? Are you going back on our deal?"

Naruto tried to concentrate on keeping a straight face because the urge to break out into a grin was strong, but he wanted to try and last longer than Itachi. However, his boyfriend was proving to be a far superior actor. Was he in drama club or some shit?

"Well, I would rather you not get sugar poisoning or whatever," the blond argued. He honestly wasn't sure if that was a real thing or not, sugar poisoning. But considering the other one was apparently prone to throwing up after eating a lot of sweets, then it probably wasn't too far off.

Itachi waved a dismissive hand and said he would be fine. Naruto stuck his tongue out which ultimately made him lose the 'competition' he and his boyfriend were having. Said male dropped his act and smiled.

A wave of anxiety hit Naruto like the way it used to when he was dating Hinata. When their faces were so close that each breath could be heard. When they were staring at each other wondering the same thing:  _ Do we kiss now? _

That feeling, like his stomach was tying itself into a huge ass knot, was all too familiar as he stared at Itachi. And that same question was repeating itself in his head over and over again. He almost asked it out loud, he even opened his mouth, when Itachi leaned in and pressed his lips against his.

The earlier question was replaced with excited swearing and new questions about whether or not they were gonna make out in the fucking candy aisle and-- _ Holy shit we're making out in the fucking candy aisle! Fuck! Yes! _

"You two are fucking disgusting!" a new voice shouted. The two lovebirds split apart, Itachi's face was red as he looked away to avoid eye contact with everyone, and Naruto whipped around to shoot a death glare at Sasuke.

"And  _ you _ are a fucking asshole!"

**12:23 a.m.**

The four dorks finally made it back to the Uchiha household with several bags of candy and chips. Itachi took off to his room with the candy while the other three went up to Sasuke's room to chill and eat some snacks.

Naruto stared at his two friends because they had been really quiet ever since they left the store. Blue eyes narrowing, he inquired, "So what's going on between you guys?"

Sasuke and Gaara glanced at each other before looking back their blond friend. The latter simply shrugged while the former said, "Well, I'm still grossed out about the fact that you and my older brother swapped spit in fucking Wal-Mart."

"Whatever..."

"You made out in public!"

"You're such a baby."

Gaara actually laughed at that and didn't even bother to try and cover it up when the darker haired boy glared at him. Naruto grinned, but he couldn't shake the feeling that something was going on between his two friends. The a light bulb went off in his head.

"Did Sasuke suck you into his orgy?!"

The question was obviously directed at Gaara, but as soon as the words left his mouth, everyone started yelling. There weren't even words anymore, just screaming. They all stood up, chips forgotten. Gaara got up the bed just as Sasuke tackled Naruto to the floor.

There was a lot of swearing as the two boys took turns at pinning the other one down and as Gaara pointed at them from the safety of the bed told them to stop. It wasn't too long however, before Itachi busted through the door, lollipop in mouth, and shouted at all of them to shut up.

After that fiasco and things calmed down, Sasuke and Gaara explained their current situation and how awkward it was. Sasuke also mentioned how Sai and Ino were possibly going to be involved. Naruto nodded his head to all of this before looking down at the floor and seeing all of the chip crumbs, "The food..."

The other two boys looked down as well to see what their friend was talking about. The wrestling match between Sasuke and Naruto caused all the chips to be crushed. The latter breathed out a sigh and glanced around the room before his eyes landed on his friend's laptop.

"Hey, do you still have  _ Five Nights at Freddy's _ on your computer?" Naruto asked.

His darker haired friend gave him a funny look, "Why?"

The other boy shrugged, "I just feel like playing it. Besides, it's been like forever."

"What's  _ Five Nights at Freddy's _ ?" Gaara questioned, looking between his friends. Naruto opened his mouth to answer but Sasuke beat him to it.

"It's this dumb ass game where you try not to get eaten by animatronic creatures."

Gaara didn't look very impressed with that explanation. Naruto scowled, "It's not  _ that _ bad. I don't see why you're so against it. What did it ever do to you?"

"Because it's a dumb ass game that relies solely on jump scares. Maybe it was cool back in middle school, but now it's just dumb." Sasuke finished his mini rant and breathed out a heavy sigh. The redhead stared while the blond got up and snagged his friend's laptop from the desk.

"Insult it all you want, I wanna play it because I wanna get the shit scared out of me," Naruto said as he opened the laptop, "And you know what? I wanna play the fourth one because fuck you!"

"Don't you-- get the fuck off my computer, you dick!"

**1:07 a.m.**

"I can't play this piss game," Gaara muttered after another motherfucking jump scare. Naruto and Sasuke snickered at that. Their redheaded friend wasn't having much luck with said 'piss game' known as  _ Five Nights at Freddy's 4 _ .

They were taking turns in controlling the game, and next was Naruto's turn. After a few clicks and the character running to the door, he mumbled something along the lines of, "He's sniffing up my butthole."

His two friends stared at him for a moment before turning their attention back to the computer screen. It wasn't too long after that when one of the animatronic creatures screeched at them causing them to lose for the tenth time on third night.

Sasuke's turn consisted of him starting to scream every time he opened the door and turned on the flashlight. At some point something actually did jump out and all three of them screamed. Naruto continued on to yell things like, "Fuck you, you fucking asshole! Fuck!"

As they restarted the third night  _ again _ , the Sasuke's bedroom door opened revealing a disgruntled Itachi who grumbled, "What are you guys doing?"

Gaara clicked around as Naruto answered, "We're playing  _ Five Nights at _ \-- fuck off!" It would figure that a jump scare would occur as he was speaking. His redheaded friend groaned as Sasuke snickered.

"It's the fourth one, by the way."

"Gross," Itachi mumbled, "I hate that game."

"What's with you Uchihas and hating on this game?" Naruto questioned, looking back and forth between the two brothers. The older one shrugged and said he simply found the game unappealing. That, and the fact that when Sasuke was younger and really into it he wouldn't shut up about it.

Sasuke shivered in disgust, "Don't bring up the horrors my past."

"Never. I won't stop until the day I die," Itachi laughed. Then he grimaced and suddenly looked really ill, "I think might throw up."

Concerned boyfriend mode turned on in Naruto's brain as he whipped around in order to ask if he was okay. Sasuke, on the other hand, simply shouted, "Goddamnit, Itachi! You fucking sugar addict! What is wrong with you!?"

"Do you want me to throw up on you?"


End file.
